How do you reconcile being a parent and being your own person? How can you be an adult when you are not done growing up?
My sister called me frantic that she couldn’t find my daughter at school. She picks up the kids these days because her schedule is more flexible than mine and takes them home. She was surprised (or not) when I told her to check with the friends to establish where she had gone and leave her at the school. I planned on picking her up after work. That was going to teach her for not being at the designated place at home time. She refuses to do any type of sport so she stayed for four hours watching other people enjoy themselves and when I got there she was an angry petulant mess.
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When I got to my sister’s, the first thing my sister did was tear into the poor princess and my mother had to rein her in saying I probably had been giving her a lecture all the way from the school (which I unashamedly had).
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My daughter is disinterested in anything. Does not like sport. (That I cannot understand!). Does not like reading. (SERIOUSLY!?). She is a walker; walks lackadaisically everywhere. Has separation issues; it took her five months to stop crying when I left her at preschool and it takes her a while to let go of a teacher (she still visits her grade 2 teacher and its almost the end of year three). She has no sense of time and teachers have complained of how she never finishes anything on time; she behaves as if the whole world moves at her pace.
I am not a fan of spanking kids (its hardly discipline the way some parents take the rod to their kids) but I am not for sparing the rod either. She has however managed to drive me to the ends of my patience. The rod doesn’t work. Neither do words but I do it anyway hoping it will get through one way or the other.
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There is a lesson to be learned about not being time conscious; your lack of care affects everyone else. This lesson coupled with the one about things not going your way all the time and the one about carelessness, is one that my daughter has to learn.
I am not done learning a lot of stuff. I make messes everyday; I literally need to constantly remind myself that what I am doing should be done this way. It doesn’t help that I over-think things, I’m highly excitable and quite stubborn. I get depressed quite easily too making me forgetful and unable to function (my cluttered and dirty car is statement of this); which necessitates my needing reminders to accomplish even the most basic of tasks. So I don’t blame my daughter for needing to learn and learn and learn the same things over and over again.
It’s just so hard for a parent where you are caught between being a parent and being a disciplinarian. Its harder for me because no matter how much I love my kids, parenting doesn’t come naturally to me – my sister says its a job for me and I don’t think I entirely disagree. I know some super moms have lips pursed and think I should burnt on a stake for being selfish but not everyone was born feeling duty bound to be a great mom.
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So my daughter and I will learn and learn and learn together.